Sunday, November 30, 2003
Runnin' Ragged from Russians
Well, I woke up this morning on Missy's living room couch with that where the hell am I feeling. I got up promptly as my long tedious day at best buy was about to grind to a start. I had the unique pleasure today of explaining to my manager that he had under-trained me for the position and that if I was to continue it would be really helpful if he would show me how to do a few essential things. He showed me, but I think he took some offense to it. Oh well, thats not as interesting as the fact that I saw in passing the leader of the kung-fu villains that I had once talked to (you know, the one who threatened to kill me if we did not have some laptop). Any how, I believe that he was in the store to do battle today. Allow me to explain. In addition to the kung-fu leader (and I imagine his hencemen, who would have been hidden or stealthfully moving from aisle to aisle) there were two genetically engineered russian killing machines. I swear thats what they had to be, they were both russian, really dense, and HUGE. Thank God we had some CD-Rs on sale today a great bargain or I might have be suplexed through the hard tile floor of the computer department. My suspicion is that they did do battle as after I got done unloading the truck at the back and was free to leave, there was a paddy wagon outside the store and a number of cops. I wonder who won...I pitty the giant russian that had to take on the one armed dude, I just know he was a badass. Maybe I have an over active imagination, but hey, you try and explain all of these coincidences. My feet hurt.
Jius Foeds Dotale,
Z
P.S. I know I told a number of people that this entry would be entitled Happy Birthday, Your Fired, but the title was about the only thing I had going for me on that, that and I can't resist writing about kung-fu villains.
Well, I woke up this morning on Missy's living room couch with that where the hell am I feeling. I got up promptly as my long tedious day at best buy was about to grind to a start. I had the unique pleasure today of explaining to my manager that he had under-trained me for the position and that if I was to continue it would be really helpful if he would show me how to do a few essential things. He showed me, but I think he took some offense to it. Oh well, thats not as interesting as the fact that I saw in passing the leader of the kung-fu villains that I had once talked to (you know, the one who threatened to kill me if we did not have some laptop). Any how, I believe that he was in the store to do battle today. Allow me to explain. In addition to the kung-fu leader (and I imagine his hencemen, who would have been hidden or stealthfully moving from aisle to aisle) there were two genetically engineered russian killing machines. I swear thats what they had to be, they were both russian, really dense, and HUGE. Thank God we had some CD-Rs on sale today a great bargain or I might have be suplexed through the hard tile floor of the computer department. My suspicion is that they did do battle as after I got done unloading the truck at the back and was free to leave, there was a paddy wagon outside the store and a number of cops. I wonder who won...I pitty the giant russian that had to take on the one armed dude, I just know he was a badass. Maybe I have an over active imagination, but hey, you try and explain all of these coincidences. My feet hurt.
Jius Foeds Dotale,
Z
P.S. I know I told a number of people that this entry would be entitled Happy Birthday, Your Fired, but the title was about the only thing I had going for me on that, that and I can't resist writing about kung-fu villains.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Wendy's, Masturbation, and God
Well, it has been a fairly lackluster week thus far, but that is all about to change. The reason for this is that tomorrow is my Birthday! Hoo Aahh! The day after that is Thanksgiving, and the day after that is busiest shopping day of the year, and I will be smack in the middle of it selling computers at best buy at 6 am. Anyhow, those of you that have wished me happy birthday already, thank you. For the rest of you, I am highly disappointed and agreived and the only way to console me is with cash. Anyhow, faithful readers, I am not sure if any of you will be in town tomorrow to celebrate with me, if not, its cool, I know the following day is Thanksgiving, so too much travel is kind of out of the question. My current plans are to go to Average Joes, as per usual, and I hope to see some faces there. Thats about it. Oh, that masturbation thing in the title? Yeah that wasn't a big deal. Just some preacher dudes sitting at the table next to me at Wendy's. I wasn't really listening to their conversation, but the line, "Masturbation is a sin, so you had better keep going to church." caught my attention. I was only half listening after that but I did find out that one of them really likes Eminem. Go figure.
Growing old and sage-like,
Z
Well, it has been a fairly lackluster week thus far, but that is all about to change. The reason for this is that tomorrow is my Birthday! Hoo Aahh! The day after that is Thanksgiving, and the day after that is busiest shopping day of the year, and I will be smack in the middle of it selling computers at best buy at 6 am. Anyhow, those of you that have wished me happy birthday already, thank you. For the rest of you, I am highly disappointed and agreived and the only way to console me is with cash. Anyhow, faithful readers, I am not sure if any of you will be in town tomorrow to celebrate with me, if not, its cool, I know the following day is Thanksgiving, so too much travel is kind of out of the question. My current plans are to go to Average Joes, as per usual, and I hope to see some faces there. Thats about it. Oh, that masturbation thing in the title? Yeah that wasn't a big deal. Just some preacher dudes sitting at the table next to me at Wendy's. I wasn't really listening to their conversation, but the line, "Masturbation is a sin, so you had better keep going to church." caught my attention. I was only half listening after that but I did find out that one of them really likes Eminem. Go figure.
Growing old and sage-like,
Z
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Back in Blog
Well, that was a lame rip off of a title (see this archive). Anyhow, I felt it a fitting title for two reasons: one I haven't written a blog entry in over a week, a personal record, and two I was in the room when Yoosuk wrote that entry and as I recall it was really the first I had heard of blogging. Thus, as the Phoenix rises from the ashes and is reborn, so too does the mad king of nothing return from whence I came. I suppose all of that makes sense, and I have been known to steal an idea or two...er. So lets get this show on the road. My borrowed title doesn't really give any hint as to what this is going to be about, and I usually like to have that kind of informative title so I will present you with the runners up...Rocky and Bullwinkle Style!!! Join us for our next exciting episode:
Vomit, Vomit everywhere, but I have no change for the vending machine.
or,
Adventures in babysitting electricians.
If you didn't get my whole reasoning about stealing Yoosuk's title, just look at the alternatives and it will make sense. Now then, where to begin, enough fluff. It has now been almost three weeks since my last day off. Some of you might remember it as the day after Halloween. Well, I've come a long way baby, and more importantly I just got paid! Yipee! I haven't yet started firebombing from this prolonged working spree and I actually don't think I will. Working the two jobs ain't as bad as I thought it was going to be. On the other hand, I am looking forward to my day off so I can clean my room and car. I was very unsettled when I realized that there were things I actually wanted to do. I was not, however, as unsettled as I was on my way to work this morning. Now I didn't even get drunk last night, I had a couple of beers and then came home, but damn I felt like crapola this morning. I realized as I was cruising to work that I didn't think I could make it through the day without getting sick if I didn't eat something. So I called the head dispatcher, who was in charge of the office today as all the other people were on this zen retreat or something (this one tech kept calling it "the group hug"). He said it would be fine, so I grabbed a number 2 at Arby's ( thats the beef and cheddar meal, not the well, you know) and was fine. I get to work and it ends up that the head dispatcher is sick as a dog. He throws up a bunch including in the trash can at his desk right before he left. Now I know a lot of you are pretty grossed out by now, there has been a lot of talk about embarassing bodily functions in this entry, but I just imagine the humor of the situation if I was puking and the head dispatcher was puking and the sole remaining dispatcher had to do everything all the while having to come up with excuses why niether one of us could come to the phone.
"Thank you for calling Intellex this is Dennis...Mike, uh no he's..."
"blleeeeeeah"
"...checking his e-mail."
Hilarious.
It was a fun day. Thats about it. Oh yeah, my birthday is coming up. Please send cash to my home address, I also take checks, but they can't be post dated. I am just kidding, you don't have to send me money. Although if you just have some sitting around, not being used for anything, I do take donations for the help me eat out every day so I don't have to cook foundation. Bling Bling.
Soon to age again,
Z
Well, that was a lame rip off of a title (see this archive). Anyhow, I felt it a fitting title for two reasons: one I haven't written a blog entry in over a week, a personal record, and two I was in the room when Yoosuk wrote that entry and as I recall it was really the first I had heard of blogging. Thus, as the Phoenix rises from the ashes and is reborn, so too does the mad king of nothing return from whence I came. I suppose all of that makes sense, and I have been known to steal an idea or two...er. So lets get this show on the road. My borrowed title doesn't really give any hint as to what this is going to be about, and I usually like to have that kind of informative title so I will present you with the runners up...Rocky and Bullwinkle Style!!! Join us for our next exciting episode:
Vomit, Vomit everywhere, but I have no change for the vending machine.
or,
Adventures in babysitting electricians.
If you didn't get my whole reasoning about stealing Yoosuk's title, just look at the alternatives and it will make sense. Now then, where to begin, enough fluff. It has now been almost three weeks since my last day off. Some of you might remember it as the day after Halloween. Well, I've come a long way baby, and more importantly I just got paid! Yipee! I haven't yet started firebombing from this prolonged working spree and I actually don't think I will. Working the two jobs ain't as bad as I thought it was going to be. On the other hand, I am looking forward to my day off so I can clean my room and car. I was very unsettled when I realized that there were things I actually wanted to do. I was not, however, as unsettled as I was on my way to work this morning. Now I didn't even get drunk last night, I had a couple of beers and then came home, but damn I felt like crapola this morning. I realized as I was cruising to work that I didn't think I could make it through the day without getting sick if I didn't eat something. So I called the head dispatcher, who was in charge of the office today as all the other people were on this zen retreat or something (this one tech kept calling it "the group hug"). He said it would be fine, so I grabbed a number 2 at Arby's ( thats the beef and cheddar meal, not the well, you know) and was fine. I get to work and it ends up that the head dispatcher is sick as a dog. He throws up a bunch including in the trash can at his desk right before he left. Now I know a lot of you are pretty grossed out by now, there has been a lot of talk about embarassing bodily functions in this entry, but I just imagine the humor of the situation if I was puking and the head dispatcher was puking and the sole remaining dispatcher had to do everything all the while having to come up with excuses why niether one of us could come to the phone.
"Thank you for calling Intellex this is Dennis...Mike, uh no he's..."
"blleeeeeeah"
"...checking his e-mail."
Hilarious.
It was a fun day. Thats about it. Oh yeah, my birthday is coming up. Please send cash to my home address, I also take checks, but they can't be post dated. I am just kidding, you don't have to send me money. Although if you just have some sitting around, not being used for anything, I do take donations for the help me eat out every day so I don't have to cook foundation. Bling Bling.
Soon to age again,
Z
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Atkins? More like Asskins.
Well, for once I am going to really stray from work related topics. Everything is so up in the air right now, that even I have no idea what is going on. So, what I am here to discuss today is this health craze that is sweeping the nation right now. I'm sorry, its not a health craze, its a get thin craze. I can guarantee you that most of the people on this Atkins diet are not on it because its healthy, in fact, I am not even sure that it is healthy. Now I am not going to rehash old material here, I am sure all of you know what the Atkins diet is, no or low carbs, and other than that, eat and eat and eat. What you may not know is that there is another hot fad diet out there, the KFC diet. There is a commercial out there from KFC that presents a bucket of Original Recipe as some sort of health food. I mean come on, you might as well go on the Swanson's Hungry-man diet (over 1LB of food!). The great irony of all of this, however, is that my freshman year of college I actually went on a no-carb diet for about 2 weeks. I ate stacks of hamburger patties and actually did lose some weight, but I was hungry all the time. Then one day we drove out to Scottsburg to go to this weak-ass comic book shop. Next door was a KFC. Well, of course, everybody wanted to go to KFC after we checked out the store. I walked up to the cashier and weakly asked, "do you have anything without carbs?"
"No," he replied in a cautious tone as though he thought I was making fun.
"Then I will take the buffet."
I am sure that some of you have heard this story before, it is one of my favorites. The point is, and I have always said this, I am a trend setter. I went on the low-carb diet, and then switched to the KFC diet, and look at me now. Take that Jared, you AND your veggie subs.
Just a little ahead of the curve,
Z
Well, for once I am going to really stray from work related topics. Everything is so up in the air right now, that even I have no idea what is going on. So, what I am here to discuss today is this health craze that is sweeping the nation right now. I'm sorry, its not a health craze, its a get thin craze. I can guarantee you that most of the people on this Atkins diet are not on it because its healthy, in fact, I am not even sure that it is healthy. Now I am not going to rehash old material here, I am sure all of you know what the Atkins diet is, no or low carbs, and other than that, eat and eat and eat. What you may not know is that there is another hot fad diet out there, the KFC diet. There is a commercial out there from KFC that presents a bucket of Original Recipe as some sort of health food. I mean come on, you might as well go on the Swanson's Hungry-man diet (over 1LB of food!). The great irony of all of this, however, is that my freshman year of college I actually went on a no-carb diet for about 2 weeks. I ate stacks of hamburger patties and actually did lose some weight, but I was hungry all the time. Then one day we drove out to Scottsburg to go to this weak-ass comic book shop. Next door was a KFC. Well, of course, everybody wanted to go to KFC after we checked out the store. I walked up to the cashier and weakly asked, "do you have anything without carbs?"
"No," he replied in a cautious tone as though he thought I was making fun.
"Then I will take the buffet."
I am sure that some of you have heard this story before, it is one of my favorites. The point is, and I have always said this, I am a trend setter. I went on the low-carb diet, and then switched to the KFC diet, and look at me now. Take that Jared, you AND your veggie subs.
Just a little ahead of the curve,
Z
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Singing and Sighing
Well, tonight was the night. I finally hit the Karaoke stage again. But like the washed up rock star that has gone from playing stadiums to playing the outdoor ampitheater at Kng's Island, it was a bittersweet return. This was no Bear's ladies and gentlemen, no this was the American Spirit lounge. A more wetched hive of scum and villainy does not exist (at least not in the Castleton area). It was dark and seedy, and full of rednecks. Not just ordinary rednecks though, oh no, but Karaoke regular rednecks. Now it you were not involved in the phenomenon that was bears, then you may not know what can happen when a bar has karaoke regulars. They get to sing over and over again while you sit patiently and wait for your turn. Now this was truly awful, this big fat guy whose eyes appeared to be bulging out of his head, and who wore one of those flannel shirts with the sweatshirt hood on it (I know you know what I am talking about), was seriously on stage for a solid four songs. Included in this list were Elvira, Dixieland, the Battle Hymn of the Republic, and one or two country songs. About this time I felt like an animal caught in a bear trap that was seriously starting to consider gnawing my own leg off to escape. Anyhow, it was a fairly good time just the same. I sang Mack the Knife, and Forever in Blue Jeans(a), by Neil Diamond.
Speaking of diamonds, I work at Intelex now, and one of our major clients is the jeweler Zales. Szales also happens to be a nickname of mine. So about 10 a day I think I hear someone say my name before I realize that it was to a client. Irony would also have it that the dude who is training me is named Shane. Shane and Zales, weird huh? Ok, must sleep now, drifting in and out. So very tired. ZZZZzzzZZZZzzzz
Those Zs mean I am sleeping, goodnight
ZZZzzz
Well, tonight was the night. I finally hit the Karaoke stage again. But like the washed up rock star that has gone from playing stadiums to playing the outdoor ampitheater at Kng's Island, it was a bittersweet return. This was no Bear's ladies and gentlemen, no this was the American Spirit lounge. A more wetched hive of scum and villainy does not exist (at least not in the Castleton area). It was dark and seedy, and full of rednecks. Not just ordinary rednecks though, oh no, but Karaoke regular rednecks. Now it you were not involved in the phenomenon that was bears, then you may not know what can happen when a bar has karaoke regulars. They get to sing over and over again while you sit patiently and wait for your turn. Now this was truly awful, this big fat guy whose eyes appeared to be bulging out of his head, and who wore one of those flannel shirts with the sweatshirt hood on it (I know you know what I am talking about), was seriously on stage for a solid four songs. Included in this list were Elvira, Dixieland, the Battle Hymn of the Republic, and one or two country songs. About this time I felt like an animal caught in a bear trap that was seriously starting to consider gnawing my own leg off to escape. Anyhow, it was a fairly good time just the same. I sang Mack the Knife, and Forever in Blue Jeans(a), by Neil Diamond.
Speaking of diamonds, I work at Intelex now, and one of our major clients is the jeweler Zales. Szales also happens to be a nickname of mine. So about 10 a day I think I hear someone say my name before I realize that it was to a client. Irony would also have it that the dude who is training me is named Shane. Shane and Zales, weird huh? Ok, must sleep now, drifting in and out. So very tired. ZZZZzzzZZZZzzzz
Those Zs mean I am sleeping, goodnight
ZZZzzz
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Old Job, New Job
Well, welcome back to the exciting and ongoing drama of my employment. I started yesterday at my new job. I must say, I like it. It is not as much fun as Advantage Cable or anything, but hey, what is? Then again, unlike Advantage Cable, I do not fear that the people behind the door in the bathroom are going to jump out and kill me. Long story or inside joke; it depends on who you are. The guys are pretty cool, and they take a lot of smoke breaks, which is both good and bad, for obvious reasons. As an added bonus/annoyance, I am going to get a company cell phone. I am sure that in like two days I will be sick as shit of the thing, but hey, it makes me feel important, so I am going to count it as a bonus for now. Thats about all there is to tell, I don't deal with customers, and there are no cheers, so until I get more annoyed with the position (which I am sure that I will, as I have with every job I have ever had, save Advantage, but there was enough that went on there that I could have kept two blogs. Long parenthetical remark!).
Anyhow, Jae and I went to the Beer Sellar last night. It was a bad idea from my end as I had to be at work at 8am and we didn't even get there until after midnight, but I was in need of some fun. As usual we played the shuffleboard game, and as usual, I got destroyed by Jae's superior skill (although I did win the first game). THe strange thing was that at one point a group of about 8 Mexicans started hovering around the table. The would look over our shoulders as we shot, and very rudely messed with the sand on the table. I thought they were trying to start something, but then as fast as they had materialized they vanished. It was most odd. I did make it to work on time, by the way.
One last note. I still work at Best Buy. Translation: My next day off will probably be Thanksgiving. I suppose that this year I will truly have something to be thankful for...a break. Anyhow, I should just tell Best Buy to jump in a lake, but I am having a hard time doing it, as they are bending over backwards to accommodate my schedule. Naw, I'll just tell them I quit (yeah, how many here have heard that I am quiting Best Buy before. HA!) Anyhow, anyone wanna take any wagers on how long it takes for me to have a nervous breakdown from working so damn much?
Busy little bumble bee,
Z
Well, welcome back to the exciting and ongoing drama of my employment. I started yesterday at my new job. I must say, I like it. It is not as much fun as Advantage Cable or anything, but hey, what is? Then again, unlike Advantage Cable, I do not fear that the people behind the door in the bathroom are going to jump out and kill me. Long story or inside joke; it depends on who you are. The guys are pretty cool, and they take a lot of smoke breaks, which is both good and bad, for obvious reasons. As an added bonus/annoyance, I am going to get a company cell phone. I am sure that in like two days I will be sick as shit of the thing, but hey, it makes me feel important, so I am going to count it as a bonus for now. Thats about all there is to tell, I don't deal with customers, and there are no cheers, so until I get more annoyed with the position (which I am sure that I will, as I have with every job I have ever had, save Advantage, but there was enough that went on there that I could have kept two blogs. Long parenthetical remark!).
Anyhow, Jae and I went to the Beer Sellar last night. It was a bad idea from my end as I had to be at work at 8am and we didn't even get there until after midnight, but I was in need of some fun. As usual we played the shuffleboard game, and as usual, I got destroyed by Jae's superior skill (although I did win the first game). THe strange thing was that at one point a group of about 8 Mexicans started hovering around the table. The would look over our shoulders as we shot, and very rudely messed with the sand on the table. I thought they were trying to start something, but then as fast as they had materialized they vanished. It was most odd. I did make it to work on time, by the way.
One last note. I still work at Best Buy. Translation: My next day off will probably be Thanksgiving. I suppose that this year I will truly have something to be thankful for...a break. Anyhow, I should just tell Best Buy to jump in a lake, but I am having a hard time doing it, as they are bending over backwards to accommodate my schedule. Naw, I'll just tell them I quit (yeah, how many here have heard that I am quiting Best Buy before. HA!) Anyhow, anyone wanna take any wagers on how long it takes for me to have a nervous breakdown from working so damn much?
Busy little bumble bee,
Z
Sunday, November 02, 2003
The Beer Fairy Retreats
Well, sadly, I had to leave the JAC party at midnight on Saturday, as anyone I talked to must have known because I couldn't shut up about it. Yes, and I still can't. I had to work this morning at 7 am. It wasn't as bad this time though, the entire meeting took place in the computer department, and the guys there (believe it or not, but its true) are cooler than the rest of the dorks that work at Best Buy. We are going through our sales technique and in the back ground we keep hearing these cheers coming from the other departments. Finally a manager comes up to us and tells us that we need to do a cheer. David, the computer sales supervisor, and more importantly my boss, tells the manager that we will as soon as we are done with our meeting. Thus, at the end of the meeting, David explains that what we are going to do is to make fun of the other departments by screaming gibberish for five seconds and then yell, "puters!!!" Yeah, that shut those media dorks up. Oh, and I know that this goes against my no Best Buy discussion policy, but I've thought about it and there really is nothing else to talk about. As an update though, I have been taken off the schedule for this week and may not be working there ever again, pending. That about wraps it up. Lets see what I can rant about at Intelex, I am sure there will be plenty.
Formerly Winged,
Z
Well, sadly, I had to leave the JAC party at midnight on Saturday, as anyone I talked to must have known because I couldn't shut up about it. Yes, and I still can't. I had to work this morning at 7 am. It wasn't as bad this time though, the entire meeting took place in the computer department, and the guys there (believe it or not, but its true) are cooler than the rest of the dorks that work at Best Buy. We are going through our sales technique and in the back ground we keep hearing these cheers coming from the other departments. Finally a manager comes up to us and tells us that we need to do a cheer. David, the computer sales supervisor, and more importantly my boss, tells the manager that we will as soon as we are done with our meeting. Thus, at the end of the meeting, David explains that what we are going to do is to make fun of the other departments by screaming gibberish for five seconds and then yell, "puters!!!" Yeah, that shut those media dorks up. Oh, and I know that this goes against my no Best Buy discussion policy, but I've thought about it and there really is nothing else to talk about. As an update though, I have been taken off the schedule for this week and may not be working there ever again, pending. That about wraps it up. Lets see what I can rant about at Intelex, I am sure there will be plenty.
Formerly Winged,
Z
