Monday, January 26, 2004
But first, the news
Well, just for kicks, I am going to do this blog entry headline style...take from it what you will:
Derrick Delima sighted in Broadripple; readers wonder "who is Derrick Delima?"
High school nemisis Stephanie Jackson married and has a child; new last name unknown. (apparently she is a graphic designer now. Pah! For those of you who don't know, she is the one who would always beat me in art contests.)
The race for president continues
XXX serves up hangover curing food, but be careful getting there
Mike Szalay ponders a Karaoke wednesday; "that is some scary shit," think readers
Carmen Sandiego on the loose; baffled police call in special child detectives
Friends from school visit; Mike Szalay has to drive one to his car (downtown. Through the heart of the storm.)
Mike Szalay attempts to get rid of a dude begging for cash with a $1 bill, but wait, no thats a $5 bill, but its too late to take it back now
Local blogger wastes time writing headlines; officials say, "end the madness!"
There be the headlines, I guess. I don't know, it sounded more fun before I did it, but hey, its fun to change it up every once in a while.
News at eleven,
Z
Well, just for kicks, I am going to do this blog entry headline style...take from it what you will:
Derrick Delima sighted in Broadripple; readers wonder "who is Derrick Delima?"
High school nemisis Stephanie Jackson married and has a child; new last name unknown. (apparently she is a graphic designer now. Pah! For those of you who don't know, she is the one who would always beat me in art contests.)
The race for president continues
XXX serves up hangover curing food, but be careful getting there
Mike Szalay ponders a Karaoke wednesday; "that is some scary shit," think readers
Carmen Sandiego on the loose; baffled police call in special child detectives
Friends from school visit; Mike Szalay has to drive one to his car (downtown. Through the heart of the storm.)
Mike Szalay attempts to get rid of a dude begging for cash with a $1 bill, but wait, no thats a $5 bill, but its too late to take it back now
Local blogger wastes time writing headlines; officials say, "end the madness!"
There be the headlines, I guess. I don't know, it sounded more fun before I did it, but hey, its fun to change it up every once in a while.
News at eleven,
Z
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
The shift from the seventh circle of hell
Well, for those of you who don't know, the seventh circle of hell is a frozen lake (at least if that Dante character is to be trusted). Saturday was indeed a cold frozen lake of a day. I awoke with an uber-hangover, and the knowledge that I was going to have to go to work for the next 8 hours. I nearly quit my job to avoid this horror, but in the end I pulled myself together and got moving. Horrible obstacle #1: the winter storm that had been predicted for days had finally arrived, and my car was covered by a thick sheet of ice. If you have never had to set your entire car free from a quarter-inch thick block of ice while battling a hangover in the rain, do all that you can in life to avoid it. By the time I arrived at work the pounding in my head had abated to the point where I could once again string together coherent sentences. Incidentally I performed several of my best sales to date during this awful time. I believe that my hangover made me both mean and scary, thus intimidating the unsuspecting customers into purchasing items that they normally wouldn't. Time passed very slowly.
4:00 pm
Computer Supervisor: "You feeling any better mike?"
Mike Szalay: "Yes, now I just feel terrible."
Computer Supervisor: "Good. Hey you did good this afternoon, I want you to come in hungover more often."
Mike Szalay: "I hate life."
Shortly after this conversation (which I modified a little for emphasis) I ate lunch and started into full recovery phase. The only other thing that happened at work, actually happened after work. I was in a bit of a hurry to get down to Bloomington, but this African American lady (i wouldn't make this distinction, except that it will come into play shortly) needed a ride to the gas station and back as her car had run out of gas and I like to think of myself as a good samaritan (sp). The actual trip to and from the station was pretty uneventful, she didn't ask for money or anything (as people asking strangers for rides often do). In fact the only interesting/frightening aspect of this trip took place at the gas station.
Lady: *leaving the gas station mini-mart, turns to the cashier* "FUCK YOU TOO!!"
Mike Szalay: *sitting in my car wondering what the hell happened in there*
Lady: *gets in the car* "I hate *n-word*s"
Mike Szalay: "Uh...what?"
Lady: "*n-word*s, you know big old black *n-word*s, selling drugs!"
Mike Szalay: "..."
Lady: "I'm gonna report his ass, he selling drugs out of there I know it! Trying to corrupt the rich white kids!"
Mike Szalay: "!?!"
I drove fast after that. It was a very strange experience. In the end it is all good though, I was just happy when I was done with it. Also, by that time my hangover was gone and I was ready to start again. Sucks about the Colts. I was so ready for one of my teams to finally win a championship. Hey, there is always next year...eh.
Consume great amounts of potassium,
Z
Well, for those of you who don't know, the seventh circle of hell is a frozen lake (at least if that Dante character is to be trusted). Saturday was indeed a cold frozen lake of a day. I awoke with an uber-hangover, and the knowledge that I was going to have to go to work for the next 8 hours. I nearly quit my job to avoid this horror, but in the end I pulled myself together and got moving. Horrible obstacle #1: the winter storm that had been predicted for days had finally arrived, and my car was covered by a thick sheet of ice. If you have never had to set your entire car free from a quarter-inch thick block of ice while battling a hangover in the rain, do all that you can in life to avoid it. By the time I arrived at work the pounding in my head had abated to the point where I could once again string together coherent sentences. Incidentally I performed several of my best sales to date during this awful time. I believe that my hangover made me both mean and scary, thus intimidating the unsuspecting customers into purchasing items that they normally wouldn't. Time passed very slowly.
4:00 pm
Computer Supervisor: "You feeling any better mike?"
Mike Szalay: "Yes, now I just feel terrible."
Computer Supervisor: "Good. Hey you did good this afternoon, I want you to come in hungover more often."
Mike Szalay: "I hate life."
Shortly after this conversation (which I modified a little for emphasis) I ate lunch and started into full recovery phase. The only other thing that happened at work, actually happened after work. I was in a bit of a hurry to get down to Bloomington, but this African American lady (i wouldn't make this distinction, except that it will come into play shortly) needed a ride to the gas station and back as her car had run out of gas and I like to think of myself as a good samaritan (sp). The actual trip to and from the station was pretty uneventful, she didn't ask for money or anything (as people asking strangers for rides often do). In fact the only interesting/frightening aspect of this trip took place at the gas station.
Lady: *leaving the gas station mini-mart, turns to the cashier* "FUCK YOU TOO!!"
Mike Szalay: *sitting in my car wondering what the hell happened in there*
Lady: *gets in the car* "I hate *n-word*s"
Mike Szalay: "Uh...what?"
Lady: "*n-word*s, you know big old black *n-word*s, selling drugs!"
Mike Szalay: "..."
Lady: "I'm gonna report his ass, he selling drugs out of there I know it! Trying to corrupt the rich white kids!"
Mike Szalay: "!?!"
I drove fast after that. It was a very strange experience. In the end it is all good though, I was just happy when I was done with it. Also, by that time my hangover was gone and I was ready to start again. Sucks about the Colts. I was so ready for one of my teams to finally win a championship. Hey, there is always next year...eh.
Consume great amounts of potassium,
Z
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Winter Sets In
Well, Christmas is over, and so is New Years. Yes, thats right, the longest, crappiest part of the year is upon us. All around town you can see this affecting peoples behavior. Today at work a woman was just super unfriendly with me, although I imagine that her problem lay deeper than that time of year. She came and found me, already pissed at me, apparently she had been standing in the deserted office furniture section for a minute or two and had expected me to psionically detect her and come make this non-existent office chair appear. She had this look on her face the whole time, that resembled the way you would look at some dog crap you just scraped off the bottom of your shoe. I countered this look with my sympathetic "you look like a stripper who is aging poorly" look. Anyhow, the chair was not in stock and the woman stormed off while I was in the middle of a sentence about how I would be happy to order it for her. The other incident of people behaving badly occurred last night in Broadripple. We were leaving Average Joe's and there on the sidewalk is just some dude getting the ever-lovin shit kicked out of him by some guys. We learned after the cops arrived to arrest this beating victim that he had apparently punched one of his attacker's girlfriends in the face. I can't imagine a situation at a bar where I would jack a woman in the mouth. However, I think I could have punched that chair woman (no pun intended) if she was wearing one of those Richard Nixon masks. Oh well, enough talk of intergender violence. Man that woman was mean...
H to the Izzo,
Z
Well, Christmas is over, and so is New Years. Yes, thats right, the longest, crappiest part of the year is upon us. All around town you can see this affecting peoples behavior. Today at work a woman was just super unfriendly with me, although I imagine that her problem lay deeper than that time of year. She came and found me, already pissed at me, apparently she had been standing in the deserted office furniture section for a minute or two and had expected me to psionically detect her and come make this non-existent office chair appear. She had this look on her face the whole time, that resembled the way you would look at some dog crap you just scraped off the bottom of your shoe. I countered this look with my sympathetic "you look like a stripper who is aging poorly" look. Anyhow, the chair was not in stock and the woman stormed off while I was in the middle of a sentence about how I would be happy to order it for her. The other incident of people behaving badly occurred last night in Broadripple. We were leaving Average Joe's and there on the sidewalk is just some dude getting the ever-lovin shit kicked out of him by some guys. We learned after the cops arrived to arrest this beating victim that he had apparently punched one of his attacker's girlfriends in the face. I can't imagine a situation at a bar where I would jack a woman in the mouth. However, I think I could have punched that chair woman (no pun intended) if she was wearing one of those Richard Nixon masks. Oh well, enough talk of intergender violence. Man that woman was mean...
H to the Izzo,
Z
